008 My First "Gunfight" in Life

The real world is nothing like a movie; there is no camera to guide your attention to the main plot points, nor any special sound equipment to let you hear what’s beyond your normal range. The bowling alley wasn’t particularly large, but for safety’s sake, Li Daniu was seated in the lounge area a fair distance from the criminal Baldy. From where he sat, all he could see was Sean Lau carrying the suitcase over to Baldy; what they said to each other, or whether their conversation matched the film’s script word-for-word, was beyond his knowledge.

“This really isn’t as good as watching a movie,” Li Daniu thought. He had hoped to enjoy watching the two great actors go head-to-head, but without being able to truly participate, how could he appreciate up close the charm of people who were even more real and remarkable than their onscreen personas?

Bored and tense, Li Daniu finally saw Baldy instruct one of his lackeys to take Andy Lau—disguised as a woman—towards the changing rooms at the back. Was this the moment when the twenty million meant for ransoming the necklace would change hands?

Though he knew that the bag containing twenty million was less than twenty meters from him, guarded only by a lackey with the fighting prowess of a five-year-old and a terminally ill Andy Lau, Li Daniu decided not to try his luck. After all, that twenty million would eventually be donated to charity in Sean Lau’s name by Andy Lau himself. How could Li Daniu bring himself to rob a charity? Or, if he were to be honest, he was simply worried Andy Lau would knock him out.

Li Daniu’s boredom quickly gave way to excitement when both the police and Baldy’s crew discovered that their men had been knocked out, leading to a dispute. Andy Lau, having changed back to his male disguise and carrying the bag, quickly joined the fray.

Nervously, Li Daniu gripped the handle of his frying pan, calculating which vital area he should protect if a gunfight broke out.

“I wonder about the quality of this pan—will it really stop a bullet?”

Unable to hear what was being said, Li Daniu had to infer the direction of the plot from their actions. The forgetful lackey played by Lam Suet pointed at Sean Lau, trying to speak but unable to utter a word. An impatient Baldy snatched the bag from Andy Lau’s hand and slammed the bowling ball inside it to the ground.

Even from his distant seat, the reflection of the lights allowed Li Daniu to see the diamonds scattered across the floor, glittering brightly.

The police, who had been waiting for the signal, raised their guns and rushed forward in unison.

“Don’t move!”

No one would dare make a move when dozens of guns were pointed at them. Watching Baldy’s gang with their hands at their waists, afraid to act, Li Daniu finally relaxed. The plan seemed to have worked out well.

Bang… bang…

Just as he was about to release the frying pan’s handle, deafening noises erupted.

Gunshots?

After having watched hundreds of shootouts on film, Li Daniu immediately recognized the sound—gunfire!

Damn it, wasn’t this scene supposed to be gunfight-free?

There was no time to see who had fired. Li Daniu snatched up his frying pan to shield his face, crouched low, and ran toward the nearest pillar.

Bang… bang…

Two more shots rang out, accompanied by screams. Pressing his back to the pillar, Li Daniu squatted down, curling up as tightly as possible and covering his upper body with the frying pan.

“Supreme Lord, Buddha, God, Jesus… please, don’t let me get shot.” Praying to every deity he could think of, Li Daniu trembled for a while, then realized that the gunfire had ceased, leaving only chaotic shouts in Cantonese.

People say curiosity killed the cat, but more often than not, it’s humans who fall victim to their own curiosity.

Having just survived his first real-life gunfight, Li Daniu was still trembling one moment, but the next, he could no longer suppress his curiosity and wanted to peek out to assess the situation.

“Put down your… weapon.”

Huh? Li Daniu heard a voice clearly and realized it was quite close.

Could it be an armed criminal had gotten near him?

Would he be taken hostage?

Was it true what the Hong Kong police claimed, that they never negotiate with criminals?

“Put down your… frying pan.”

His thoughts running wild with fear, Li Daniu heard another command. The frying pan in his hand?

Damn it, if there was even a chance he was being covered by one or more guns, Li Daniu decided not to take risks. He immediately dropped the frying pan and raised his hands.

Determined to understand his fate even if he died, Li Daniu raised his head and saw a man with a strange expression pointing a gun at him.

That little revolver… only Hong Kong police used those, right?

“Name… nationality… occupation…”

“Li Daniu—no, Tom, American, reporter for National Geographic Magazine, here in Hong Kong to experience the local culture.” Hearing the officer’s English, Li Daniu hurried to reply. As long as it was the police, he wasn’t afraid.

“Li Daniu? Tom? Do you speak Cantonese?” The officer had exhausted his English vocabulary and, hearing Li Daniu rattle off a string of incomprehensible words, could only call out helplessly, “Sir, there’s a foreigner here—I can’t understand a word he’s saying.”

Now that he was sure of his safety, Li Daniu finally had the presence of mind to look around. A quick glance showed Baldy’s group being handcuffed by police, while two people were lying sprawled near the lounge area where Li Daniu had been sitting and at the entrance to the changing rooms, with officers cuffing them as well.

What the hell had just happened?

“Sir, please describe your identity and explain why you’re here.”

Still unsure what was going on, Li Daniu heard someone address him in English.

“My name is Tom. I’m a reporter from National Geographic Magazine in the US. I’m here in Hong Kong on assignment, just came to bowl for a bit of recreation.”

“And that at your feet…?”

“The frying pan?” Li Daniu pointed and replied, “I picked it up while shopping earlier and planned to take it home.”

“All right, we need to check if you’re carrying any other weapons—please cooperate.”

“Of course, no problem. But, other weapons? Are you saying the frying pan counts as a weapon?” Li Daniu obediently stood straight and raised his hands.

“That… could be considered one,” said the officer, then signaled to a colleague to search Li Daniu, who, of course, was found to be carrying nothing else.

“Sir, since there was just a shootout with criminals, we’ll need you to come to the station and give a statement.”

“Well…” Li Daniu was still hoping to catch the final showdown between Andy Lau and Sean Lau, but quickly realized he was out of luck. “No problem, but can we make it quick? I’d like to get some rest—you know, there was just a gunfight.”

“We’ll do our best. But honestly, that wasn’t much of a shootout—at least not by American standards. Does that even qualify as a gunfight to you?”

Since Li Daniu had shown no sign of carrying weapons and had already presented his ID, the officer considered him harmless and started chatting. After all, when something like this happened in a public place, it was the police’s duty to calm citizens down.

“Well, actually, America isn’t as wild as you might think, even though guns aren’t banned.” Li Daniu had no idea what America was really like; he’d only spent one day there, on the day he’d crossed over, and was too busy catching a plane to notice much. He could only make things up as he went.

“Really? I’ve heard American police make great money, but hardly anyone wants to join because they’re afraid of being shot.”

“Well… who isn’t afraid of dying?” Not wanting to dwell on America—he was afraid he’d slip up—Li Daniu quickly changed the subject. “Those two people lying on the ground earlier—are they criminals? I saw someone handcuffing them.”

“Yes, those idiots thought they were far enough away that no one was watching, but little did they know, we had eyes on everyone in the bowling alley.”

“Uh… including me?”

The officer gave Li Daniu a curious look. “Of course including you. You really are from America, aren’t you? Great sense of self-preservation—my colleague said the moment shots were fired, you darted behind a pillar and covered yourself with a frying pan. Do all Americans get this kind of gunfight survival training?”

“Well… you know, there are quite a few guns in America.”

Li Daniu wanted to say, “I’m not American, stop bringing up America!” but he bit his tongue.

After a while, the two chatted until Li Daniu was put in a police car and taken to the station to make a statement.

When he left the station, Li Daniu checked his watch and realized he’d missed several buses. He quickly hailed a cab to the bus stop, hoping to search a few more buses before time ran out.

By now, the plot of this movie was basically over—the final scene was Sean Lau, three years later, running into the girl who’d been given a necklace by Andy Lau on a bus.

But Li Daniu couldn’t wait three years—he only had a little over two months left, and as far as he could tell, Andy Lau had only three weeks to live. Li Daniu was desperate. Surely he hadn’t come all the way into a movie world just to experience a not-quite-gunfight and end up spending the ten thousand US dollars he’d brought with him?

In Li Daniu’s world, ten thousand dollars was no small sum.

“Why couldn’t I have crossed over as the King of Saudi Arabia?”